ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
