I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
