i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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