the condom got lost in my hair
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
