I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
