I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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