will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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