but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
