I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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