i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
