trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
