Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
