So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
