I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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