sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
only you would photoshop your dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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