I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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