Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
