I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
