I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
