Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
