Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
