Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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