He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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