you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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