girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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