i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
