I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize