What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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