Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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