dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
