I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
