my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
