I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
