Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
