Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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