i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
