i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
PANTIES FOUND
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