dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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