Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
