I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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