why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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