i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
