Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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