Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just found puke in my bra..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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