Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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