Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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