someone get that fucking seahorse.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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