guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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