He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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