Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
