Need sex. Gaining weight.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
