well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
