Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
