can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
