I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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