I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
