I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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