Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
