Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize