Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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