Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
