idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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