Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
