Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
