god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
They took my balls.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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