I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
