btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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