Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
