i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
