I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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