I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize